I sat on top of a mountain tonight with my best friends and laughed and reflected on freshman year as it comes to a draw, and I can't find enough words to explain everything I'm feeling.
Grateful doesn't do justice to the the frustration of hard moments that were had with it.
Tired makes it sound like I'm worn out (which I am, but not enough to not do it again right now in a heart beat).
Ready sounds like I'm wishing away the now, when I just want to savor the next 7 days here.
Awed makes it sound like I didn't expect God to work how He did, which is truthful of my doubting heart. And that is the best word I landed on sitting a top Max Patch tonight as golden hour came and passed before my eyes.
Awed.
Much like that time on the mountain, this year has come and gone in a flash.
I sit in my half decorated dorm room and can still vividly remember the speedy drive up here on August 18. I remember the butterflies and the excited text messages and the heavy totes to be lugged up 9 flights of stairs (I still owe the BCM team x 1000).
I remember the big moments all so clearly and the same memories I shared in this post and many more:
- The strip after the season opener
- my internship interview + first day
- Fliming Montana Made episodes
- BYX Semi Formal
- Athens
- Love War
- a UTADPR trip to Nashville
- Judah and the Lion
- hosting the Womens' SEC Tennis Tourney
- meeting Smokey
But I also remember the really regular moments:
- MWF meeting Mal in Pres Court at 7:40 for that cold, 8 am walk
- the long PCB dinners and laughs and hard conversations
- the bad jokes and jam sessions(@montana)
- the hours in a study room
- a oozy afternoon of work at K-Brew
- late nights after a volleyball/basketball/softball match
- dancing in the mountains **as pictured
Freshman year held a lot of big moments and break through to growing up, but it was comprised of the small ones that I can't believe are about to pass.
I met my best friends this year. The friends I only prayed for and dreamed of.
I became bold this year. I decided to say yes to what I cared about and no to the things I didn't.
I learned how to serve this year. What it looks like to serve and love those around me furiously and selflessly despite how hard or inconvenient it may be.
I chose joy this year. To do what I enjoy and let nothing and no one steal that from me.
I explored this year. I established my own two feet in what I believe.
I grew this year, and I grew a lot.
This year held a lot of surprises that I would not change for the world. It seems like a dream looking back on how divinely everything was orchestrated.
Going home and having visitors here to catch up with was always a blast to me because I got to declare and share the ways God was working, and every time, I would say: "He took every fear I had and replaced it with life more abundant." And I'm beginning to understand what that abundant life in true freedom, walking step in step with Jesus really looks like. And I think on top of the mountain today was a good glimpse.
Not a care in the world, just some smiles, and an awed heart for the way the Lord is faithful in every way.
May my soul never forget this feeling.
Freshman year, you were the best. Everything I could have dreamed of, asked for, or imagined, and all praise to God for giving me each second of it and showing your faithfulness every day.
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