Pick a Story

When  I would come home from Chicago every summer from the mission trip with my church, our girls minister would help our group begin to assess what it would be like to return home. Her advice was always to pick one story to have ready to tell when people ask "how was the trip?" and as I sit in my bed in good ole South Carrick for the last time this semester, I find these words coming to my heart. 

Pick a story and have it ready to tell.

 But my issue is what story do I choose to tell? This semester has been full of the Lord's presence, and I have so many stories to choose from. He has been faithful in every single moment, and I'm finding it difficult to pick just one.

So when you see me, please ask how my semester has been. I'll probably grin ear to ear and start talking your ear off at a hundred miles per hour, and I'll tell you the story that I've chosen for those quick encounters at restaurants or in the halls of BBC (it's about my internship! It's exciting I promise! Sports!) 

But until then, here are three of my other favorite stories/key moments:

1. Meet #collegechicks. 

#Collegechicks is what Mallory, Montana, and I call ourselves. 

It's cheesy, and in fact, none of us really even remember how we arrived at this name. But it's the title of our group message and a silly yet memorable title to use to refer to ourselves.

I actually met Mallory in middle school at a church camp, where we hung out for a week and then only remained in loose touch via social media until this past summer when she came to that aforementioned mission trip. We ended up rooming together, and just clicking in every single way. 

Similarly, Montana was also a social media friend, who I exchanged a handful of Instagram DMs and liked tweets with before the semester started. It was a coincidence that we ended up at the same cookout at the Baptist Collegiate Ministry and have spent almost every day together since. 

The 3 of us have a friendship that I haven't really experienced before. We're not at all the same, but we balance each other well. Montana's loud with Mal's quiet and my somewhere in the middle makes for great conversations in our corner of PCB at dinner and for the silliest of car rides.

I feared coming into school at UT that I wouldn't meet like minded people. It's no secret that this SEC school of mine can be kind of wild, and I was anxious that I would never connect with people who weren't that kind of wild...but out of no where, sweet Mal popped up in Chicago and Montana slid into those DMs and the rest is history. 

They're the kind of friends you pray about and pray for God to give you, and they're the kind of friends who pray for you, too. One of my favorite memories is before Fall Break, we stood in the middle of Pres Court and bowed our heads to reflect on the first quarter and pray over the coming one.  We prayed for protection as we travelled, which I'm certain was a key factor for Miss Montana, but that' a whole nother story.

We bond over a love for Jesus, K-Brew, and worship music that makes you want to scream it at the top of your lungs. They give me the accountability as my sisters to stay focused on the Lord and pursue Him, not on the little things that I so easily tend to do. 

Our stories and personalities are all different but they all work together in an incredibly cool way. There's just something special about the way that we relate to each other 1 on 1 with different dynamics but also mesh so well when we're all together (aka 99% of the time). 

As annoying as we know we can be on social media, #collegechicks has been a constant reminder of never being left alone and of how abundant life in community is.

2. Choices, Choices, Choices

Something super attractive to me about coming to a big school were all the organizations that I could choose to be apart of. Be it Campus Events, BCM, some golf club, or Students Organization for Deaf Awareness-- the options were endless. 

But with endless options come time constraints and decisions. I came into school convinced that I would find a home at the Baptist Collegiate Ministry, but I soon was presented the opportunity to try other organizations like RUF (Reformed University Fellowship), VFC (Vols for Christ), Younglife, CS@UTK (Christian Students @ UTK), churches, etc. 

I began to run out of time to do it all and to do it all well, and I had to make a decision about where to plug in. 

As welcomed as I felt at the BCM and as comfortable as I was, it wasn't what I thought it would be, and I really can't find a way to articulate it anymore than that. I continued to hang around the B for several weeks because of the relationships I had formed there, but I was still prayerfully considering and exploring where to really get plugged in. 

There was a Friday morning that I was listening to a podcast as I walked to class that spoke straight to my heart as Ben Stuart, the pastor at Breakaway Ministries, said "unmet expectations keep you from greater things."

And as I walked in to my English class that morning, I was overwhelmed by the clear answer. Most obviously keeping me from said "greater" things was that my lifegroup at the B met at the same time as Quest, which is part of YoungLife's training program to be a leader. 

Though I did not come into college planning to get involved with YoungLife, I did come into school wanting to find a place to serve my peers day in and day out. And I began to realize that Younglife could be that place for me to really serve both when Quest meets and around campus. But as I realized this, I realized that my lifegroup at the BCM met at the same time as Quest and my commitment there would be what could be keeping me back.

To explain the quote a little more, saying "greater" isn't entirely the full picture. Ben explained "greater" as things that are in response to you walking to His purpose and seeking to be obedient, and my "greater" in this season has been made clear to be with YoungLife.

There was not a thing wrong with the B. In fact, I loved my time there, and I still talk to a handful of the sweet people I met there, but it jsust wasn't where I was needed to be. The BCM was my "safe" option to stay on a campus dauntingly full of "unsafe," and out of my like for comfort, I kept going back when there was an obvious calling that I was supposed to be His hands and feet somewhere else.

He is so active and He is so at work in our hearts, even in the smallest of ways. Looking back on this situation, I think it is so cool to be able to see the clarity He revealed and then the opportunities He later arranged for me to really be fully obedient. 

(I've gotten into a sweet little routine of campus ministries, but I'm still open to other churches. I've attended Fellowship Middlebrook for the past semester and loved the openness of the church and the teachings from Pastor Rick and Greg. I really adore the way they focus on raising up generations to come, but  I have just found that it is extremely difficult to get involved as a college student, so I'm still praying about where I should be attending as this next semester approaches.)

3. Grace undeserving

If you don't know me well, I can be a bit of a perfectionist and a bit hard on myself simply because I have really high expectations. I don't exercise grace very well and tend to take a while to forgive myself. While this can be good, it can lead to a lot of unnecessary frustrations, and I'm especially hard on myself when I really care about things.

You also may not know that I have an internship this semester with the UT Athletics Media Relations Department as a social media intern. So yes, that is exactly what it sounds like: I Tweet, I Insta, and I Facebook about Tennessee's sports teams. 

I know what you're thinking: "That's perfect for you! You love the Vols!" and it has been. I have genuinely loved every single day of it and look forward to my time in the office and working events because of the community there (This is part of the story I chose when people ask!). 

But that love for the Vols was part of my issue..

Early into the year, I dove head first and got assigned to work with the volleyball team, including producing the graphics and live tweeting their matches. 

But the missing information you need to know here is that I had 0 experience with photo shop and had watched approximately half of one of my cousin's volleyball games when I was in 9th grade. 

I. Knew. Nothing. But fake it till you make it, right? 

I had my boss, Kellen, and my cousin teach me about the basics of the sport and the graphic designers teach me what I needed to know to produce the score graphics, and I figured I'd be fine.

And I was. Except for the fact that I sent out a starting lineup on all 3 major platforms with the wrong opposing team information and had typos in a handful of my live tweets. In the moment, I didn't realize my mistakes because of the adrenaline and nerves I was feeling.  

It was after the game when Kellen was checking in on me that he so kindly pointed out my errors. There were no harsh words and no firing that happened for my mistakes. There was no anger and no frustration towards my finger slip ups, but simply understanding, forgiveness, and a desire for me to improve next time.

As Kellen realized I was upset with myself and walked me through figuring how to move forward, I was caught in the midst of grace that I did not deserve. I had messed up and I deserved to pay the consequences for it.

 When I was too hard on myself and too unforgiving of the easily avoidable mistakes and the way I had misrepresented something I love so much, Kellen came in and spurred me to exercise grace on myself and to see a very applicable and very tangible picture of what Jesus' grace looks like. Not to justify my mistakes or to abuse it and continue making mistakes, but in his kindness and understanding, Kellen demonstrated one of the best pictures of grace I've seen in a long time.

To my standard, I should have been "let go" and I still think he really should have YELLED at me. I mean, I put out a graphic with the wrong team!! 
But I was met only with forgiveness and a very real and much needed reminder of what Christ like grace can look like on a day to day basis.

(Shameless plug: @Vol_Sports is the interns pride and joy. We launched it this fall and are working to make a name for it. If you want to see our work, check it out. )

The #LadyVols remain undefeated with a win over no. 2 Texas! Final score ➡️ 82-75

A post shared by Tennessee Athletics (@vol_sports) on Dec 10, 2017 at 3:20pm PST

I seriously have so many more stories I could tell like blind makeovers, a trip to Tellico Plains, the UT-UT Lady Vols game, BYX formal, my first speech, and many more stories that leave me in awe about how Jesus has put this year together just right, but I don't have enough time to write them all out and explain the significance of how each and every day has gone. Not to mention. I have a statistics final that needs to be studied for, and I have to save some stories to share when I get to see you next.

But I think it's really fitting that my journal coming in to the semester had "He is before all things" titled on the front because now more than ever, I realize that He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.

He divinely orchestrated my first semester (and every semester before it, too honestly), but this semester has been different because I was looking for Him in every walk to class and in every conversation and every car ride in between.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. 

And we wouldn't want it any other way.

I'm awe struck by you, Jesus, and full of thanks. 

For more pictures of my first semester as a Vol, check out my album on Facebook to get a glimpse into the *glamorous* life I live.

xoxo
Lauren

Selah

I wake up, brush my teeth, make my coffee, get dressed, spend some time in the Word, and then I'm out the door by 7:40 most every morning and off to class or work until late in the afternoon before going to dinner, whatever event is for today, and then homework until early the next morning. And then repeat it all again.

I hustle and bustle from class to class and from work to meeting friends, and I forget to take the time to pause.

I say yes to it all, and I send myself running from one side of campus to the other, exhausting myself in the physical sense, but also in the emotional sense.

I have been at school for 2 months exactly today. 2 months of sweet memories, new experiences, mediocre food, and the best of friends (more on all of this later). 2 months of constant movement, chatter, noise, and presence, and I find myself craving alone time.

I'm an introvert at heart, for I get my energy from my alone time, but I am also a people person in every sense, and I love building relationships, which has led me to struggling more than I realized.

I wouldn't trade a single second of this crazy life I live, but it's been made abundantly clear to me that I need a break. Or as David has shown me time and time again, I just need a pause. A selah you could say.

All growing up, I was taught that "selah" meant to pause. It was a musical direction most commonly used by King David in the book of Psalms (all the heart eyes). But, it's also used in the book of Habakkuk very frequently, as is it's sister word "calah" from the original Hebrew text, which means "to measure or weigh in the balances."

And in that fashion that only the Lord could orchestrate, I was reading through Psalms and the book of Mark in the days leading up to fall break a few weeks ago. Each time David used the word "selah" and each time Mark talked about the Sabbath, I took note and it resonated with me a little differently than usual.

And I had figured that fall break would be the perfect time to take a break and reflect on all the ways the Lord has moved in this first chunk of time. (In my head, it was perfect--my bed + fuzzy socks + time with my people, literally what is better?). 

But as I came home, I realized the break would be anything but a break. More than anything, it was a shuffle here to see so-and-so and then here to catch up with so-and-so and write a speech somewhere in the midst of it all, and before I knew it, Wednesday had turned into Sunday, and I was back in Knoxville wondering when I was going to pause?

This culture we live in glorifies busy seasons and makes us wonder what we did wrong when we come back from vacation rested instead of more exhausted. The last time I had a good ole fashioned, slow moving Saturday was before graduation......in May. We make to do lists after to do lists and live our lives at 1000 miles per hour that unless we plan in time to stop and pause, we just forget.

The more I research the origin of the word "selah," the more I adore it. 

One author said "Selah was not a time for the music to completely stop, but a time for the performer to pause and catch their breath before singing the praises of God again."

Another said that "calah" and "selah" work together, for you need moments of pause so you may then regroup and rebalance your priorities and your next steps with the heart of the Lord.

And that is exactly where I find myself right now. I don't need to stop. While I do need to get better about taking a day of rest, I don't need to completely stop and come to a halt.

 I need a pause and a time to rest and reflect on the goodness of the Lord and the many ways He has been faithful and the many ways he has shown me His face each and every single day. 

And it's not selfish to set apart this time. It's what we a believers have to do out of a desire for intimacy with God. In that funny way only God can do, the sermon the Sunday I was at home for was about taking a Sabbath from Mark 6:31 and Matthew 12. And while it is not a law or a life or death situation, for Jesus says himself that "it is more lawful to do good on the Sabbath" in Matthew 12:12, the Sabbath and that time of pause to catch our breath and rest in the awe and wonder of the ways He is at work is completely necessary, 

We cannot make Him known without knowing Him, and we cannot proclaim His name and His works if we don't spend anytime realizing and recognizing the ways He has moved in our lives.

So this is my selah. This my pause and my reflection of the biggest ways He has moved in my life, and I can't wait to tell you all about them.

It's always funny to me how the Lord puts things on your heart and changes it. I got to the point in high school where I just didn't enjoy "blogging" anymore, so I quit. And I told myself I wouldn't do it again. 

But here I am. After almost 2 weeks of sitting on this idea of sharing, I figured this would be the best way to keep record and to share the ways that God is moving in my life. Not on a regular schedule or because my journal pages aren't adequate -- but because enjoy writing and sharing stories and just want everyone to know that God is on the move, and of all the ways He is working in and around me without blowing up your Facebook or Twitter feed more than I already do.

 So from the concert review and Sunday School craft resource it once was, Growing Up Nashville is going to turn into more of my airspace to process and keep all you loved ones informed on what's going on here in the 865 every once in a while.

xo,

Lauren

Choices.

Life is all about choices.

What you wear, what you eat, where you work, etc. It's all about choices.

And as I'm going into this next phase of life and getting ready to live on my own, I'm making a lot of choices: what color bed spread, what professors to take, where to store my socks, what kind of parking pass I need, etc. 

And there are a lot of choices that I don't feel like I'm ready to make. Not because I don't want to go to college or I don't know where I'm going to store my socks--I don't feel ready because I don't know what I'm walking into.

I don't know how deep the drawers are, I don't know how to secure my bedpost to the cinderblock, I don't know how I'm going to set up my laundry "system"

I just don't know what life is going to look like in 2 months, and that's my problem. 

Because when I just don't know, I shut down, and I make the choice to shut down and let my fears take over. When I think about being away from my family on my birthday, I cry. When I think about not knowing where I'm going to store my toiletries, I cry. When I think about game days not in section C with Pop on one side of me and Nicholas on the other, I cry.

Every time I realize that I don't know how life will look, I make a decision to stop fighting to just be consumed, and right now, I'm making a decision to put an end to that. 

Very fittingly (after walking out of Bed Bath & Beyond yesterday empty handed after browsing for an hour), my quiet time in James 1 this morning contained this encouragement:

"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

College is proving to be one of the biggest trials of my life. Not for academic reasons (yet) but for the unknown factor that it holds, and I'm so discouraged by that. But I'm so encouraged by these verses that I am making a choice. I am making a choice from here on out to not be consumed. Not only to rest in knowing that He works it all out just as it should be, but making a choice to just relax a bit.

It's okay that I don't know everything. I don't have to. That's what makes me human, and that's what makes me in such great need of Jesus, who knows everything.