Life is all about choices.
What you wear, what you eat, where you work, etc. It's all about choices.
And as I'm going into this next phase of life and getting ready to live on my own, I'm making a lot of choices: what color bed spread, what professors to take, where to store my socks, what kind of parking pass I need, etc.
And there are a lot of choices that I don't feel like I'm ready to make. Not because I don't want to go to college or I don't know where I'm going to store my socks--I don't feel ready because I don't know what I'm walking into.
I don't know how deep the drawers are, I don't know how to secure my bedpost to the cinderblock, I don't know how I'm going to set up my laundry "system"
I just don't know what life is going to look like in 2 months, and that's my problem.
Because when I just don't know, I shut down, and I make the choice to shut down and let my fears take over. When I think about being away from my family on my birthday, I cry. When I think about not knowing where I'm going to store my toiletries, I cry. When I think about game days not in section C with Pop on one side of me and Nicholas on the other, I cry.
Every time I realize that I don't know how life will look, I make a decision to stop fighting to just be consumed, and right now, I'm making a decision to put an end to that.
Very fittingly (after walking out of Bed Bath & Beyond yesterday empty handed after browsing for an hour), my quiet time in James 1 this morning contained this encouragement:
"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
College is proving to be one of the biggest trials of my life. Not for academic reasons (yet) but for the unknown factor that it holds, and I'm so discouraged by that. But I'm so encouraged by these verses that I am making a choice. I am making a choice from here on out to not be consumed. Not only to rest in knowing that He works it all out just as it should be, but making a choice to just relax a bit.
It's okay that I don't know everything. I don't have to. That's what makes me human, and that's what makes me in such great need of Jesus, who knows everything.
