I wake up, brush my teeth, make my coffee, get dressed, spend some time in the Word, and then I'm out the door by 7:40 most every morning and off to class or work until late in the afternoon before going to dinner, whatever event is for today, and then homework until early the next morning. And then repeat it all again.
I hustle and bustle from class to class and from work to meeting friends, and I forget to take the time to pause.
I say yes to it all, and I send myself running from one side of campus to the other, exhausting myself in the physical sense, but also in the emotional sense.
I have been at school for 2 months exactly today. 2 months of sweet memories, new experiences, mediocre food, and the best of friends (more on all of this later). 2 months of constant movement, chatter, noise, and presence, and I find myself craving alone time.
I'm an introvert at heart, for I get my energy from my alone time, but I am also a people person in every sense, and I love building relationships, which has led me to struggling more than I realized.
I wouldn't trade a single second of this crazy life I live, but it's been made abundantly clear to me that I need a break. Or as David has shown me time and time again, I just need a pause. A selah you could say.
All growing up, I was taught that "selah" meant to pause. It was a musical direction most commonly used by King David in the book of Psalms (all the heart eyes). But, it's also used in the book of Habakkuk very frequently, as is it's sister word "calah" from the original Hebrew text, which means "to measure or weigh in the balances."
And in that fashion that only the Lord could orchestrate, I was reading through Psalms and the book of Mark in the days leading up to fall break a few weeks ago. Each time David used the word "selah" and each time Mark talked about the Sabbath, I took note and it resonated with me a little differently than usual.
And I had figured that fall break would be the perfect time to take a break and reflect on all the ways the Lord has moved in this first chunk of time. (In my head, it was perfect--my bed + fuzzy socks + time with my people, literally what is better?).
But as I came home, I realized the break would be anything but a break. More than anything, it was a shuffle here to see so-and-so and then here to catch up with so-and-so and write a speech somewhere in the midst of it all, and before I knew it, Wednesday had turned into Sunday, and I was back in Knoxville wondering when I was going to pause?
This culture we live in glorifies busy seasons and makes us wonder what we did wrong when we come back from vacation rested instead of more exhausted. The last time I had a good ole fashioned, slow moving Saturday was before graduation......in May. We make to do lists after to do lists and live our lives at 1000 miles per hour that unless we plan in time to stop and pause, we just forget.
The more I research the origin of the word "selah," the more I adore it.
One author said "Selah was not a time for the music to completely stop, but a time for the performer to pause and catch their breath before singing the praises of God again."
Another said that "calah" and "selah" work together, for you need moments of pause so you may then regroup and rebalance your priorities and your next steps with the heart of the Lord.
And that is exactly where I find myself right now. I don't need to stop. While I do need to get better about taking a day of rest, I don't need to completely stop and come to a halt.
I need a pause and a time to rest and reflect on the goodness of the Lord and the many ways He has been faithful and the many ways he has shown me His face each and every single day.
And it's not selfish to set apart this time. It's what we a believers have to do out of a desire for intimacy with God. In that funny way only God can do, the sermon the Sunday I was at home for was about taking a Sabbath from Mark 6:31 and Matthew 12. And while it is not a law or a life or death situation, for Jesus says himself that "it is more lawful to do good on the Sabbath" in Matthew 12:12, the Sabbath and that time of pause to catch our breath and rest in the awe and wonder of the ways He is at work is completely necessary,
We cannot make Him known without knowing Him, and we cannot proclaim His name and His works if we don't spend anytime realizing and recognizing the ways He has moved in our lives.
So this is my selah. This my pause and my reflection of the biggest ways He has moved in my life, and I can't wait to tell you all about them.
It's always funny to me how the Lord puts things on your heart and changes it. I got to the point in high school where I just didn't enjoy "blogging" anymore, so I quit. And I told myself I wouldn't do it again.
But here I am. After almost 2 weeks of sitting on this idea of sharing, I figured this would be the best way to keep record and to share the ways that God is moving in my life. Not on a regular schedule or because my journal pages aren't adequate -- but because enjoy writing and sharing stories and just want everyone to know that God is on the move, and of all the ways He is working in and around me without blowing up your Facebook or Twitter feed more than I already do.
So from the concert review and Sunday School craft resource it once was, Growing Up Nashville is going to turn into more of my airspace to process and keep all you loved ones informed on what's going on here in the 865 every once in a while.
xo,
Lauren
