It apparently was just ground breaking news when I posted this cover on Instagram.
I mean, if you're ever actually around me for more than 10 minutes outside of school, you'd know I never stop singing. But that's beside the point. That's not why I posted this.
Growing up is hard. Like, really hard, right now at least. There are so many decisions on the horizon and so many pressures I feel like I can never live up to. College is the main one, my career is another, relationships is one more (not to mention the minuscule by comparison issue that is prom). It's a lot to bear and have going a million miles an hour in my head.
I know that it will all work out. I know that with my whole heart, but sometimes, it is hard to remember.
"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."
Isaiah 58:11
Isaiah 58:11
It's my natural tendency to want to do make a way for everything on my own, if I'm being honest. To try and almost undermine God and his provision, but in this season of my life, I'm learning that he always provides for my greater good.
He will make a way for me to go to a $37,000 per year college, if I'm supposed to go there. I don't need to find side jobs and forfeit my social life.
He will reveal a career to me that fits me perfectly in his perfect timing. I don't need to take personality tests and career aptitude tests on websites that don't even know me.
He will show me who are my lifelong friends and who bring out the best in me. I don't need to reach out to every person I see in the halls and try to learn every detail about their life.
But He won't do that if I'm still clinging on to control for dear life.
"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."
Proverbs 19:21
Proverbs 19:21
This was what I call my "cling verse". In my head, I repeated it over and over as I walked through school, as I drove home, everywhere I went.
I can plan all that I want, but ultimately, God can (and probably will) wreck those plans. When I need this much scholarship money and didn't get it, or was going to apply for this job and it got filled, or wish this girl and I had connected more, I've had to learn to be a peace with that, and no matter how it settles with my soul, until I completely surrender it to the Lord, I am chaos inside.
Only after I surrender it all to him does inner peace come because He is peace. Yes, peace is a person, and it is very real.
For example, after I toured Samford University (ruff 'em!), all I could think about was paying for college: am I going to be able to? How much student debt am I going to come out with? Will I be able to get a job? Is this major a realistic one?
I really and truly struggled with this for a while. Easily 2 weeks recently and seriously but since the beginning of sophomore year really, only to realize it's too much for me to bear. Lots of tears, strained relationships, and frustrated prayers later, I gave it up. I wrote every fear and doubt and confusing thought in my journal one last time.
And peace came flowing in like a river: abundant and calming. Since that night, I am yet to stress about college like that. Yes, I think about it, but it no longer consumes me, and it is all because of I laid it at His feet.
Just like Philippians 4:7 says, his peace surpasses all understanding. It is evident and obvious in ways I will never fathom, and that is one of the many reasons I love and adore Him.
I didn't post that video because I wanted to showcase my singing and mediocre guitar playing. I posted that video because his faithfulness is overwhelming and deserving of being screamed from the mountain tops (or every social media platform).
It was my way of publicly declaring my trust and my first step in unfolding His greater plan for me.
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